How to Make and Keep Great Friends

Pictured: Tasha and Helena, my besties, help work through an architectural design challenge for the home Ronnie and I bought last year and plan to renovate. Our early morning pajama party included coffee (see creamer below), design revisions, and a kitchen covered in painters’ tape to help us visualize the new space in the existing one. The result? One grateful, and inspired Stef!

In my book, ManifestHer, I dedicate an entire chapter to relationships. Why? Because the right relationships have the power to propel you forward at warp-speed, whereas the wrong ones can hold you back from your potential (and more importantly, your happiness) for a lifetime, if you let them.

I categorize relationships into three distinct groups: new relationships you want to forge, existing relationships you want to double down on, and existing relationships you need to stop investing in (or in some cases, actively let go of).

The way to know what you need is by checking in with your energy around your friendships.

How do I feel about the relationships in my life today? Am I feeling fulfilled by the relationships I am keeping today or do I need to consider new friendships?

If I am considering new friendships, what are the qualities of the people I’d like to befriend? What things will we do together? What are the types of things (ideas, experiences, etc) I’d like to share with them? Where do I go about finding those kinds of people?

If I am considering the relationships I already have, when I spend time with [this person/s] how do I feel before, during and after the interactions with them? Energized? Depleted? Inspired? Supported? Irked? How does that make me feel about the relationship? What could this mean in terms of how I approach this relationship going forward?

To do: Start a fresh Notes doc on your phone. Write a list of your closest relationships and use one adjective to describe your energy when you interact with them. Use this list to see who in your life is giving you energy and who in your life is draining it away, and where you could use some new energy altogether. Consider taking some of the advice above.