Motherhood, Legacy, and Open Questions
There’s a scene in the movie Because I Said So, starring Diane Keaton that’s lived rent free in my head since I saw it. Now that I’ve become a mother, I think far more often about this scene than before. I’m still in the process of figuring out why it is this scene is so magical and gut-wrenching, and heart-warming, and perfect all at once, and I don’t know that I’m there yet. Here’s what I’m currently processing:
You never get to retire from being a mom. It’s literally the world’s most insane and greatest job.
You will never stop worrying about your baby and their happiness, and how they treat themselves, and how they let others treat them, and how that affects them — you can’t control any of this, you can only hope that when they were growing under the shade of your branches that you instilled values and self-worth in them, such that they can make good decisions and be a good judge of character on their own. And such that they have a standard for how they treat others and in turn let others treat them.
There will be times you think your child is headed for a cliff and this will hurt you in a way that you’ve never hurt before, and at the same time that you’re holding this hurt, you will call forward the strongest version of yourself — one who is bold, direct, honest, yet empathetic, compassionate and warm, and you’ll share with them the cliff you see them headed toward and try to get them back on track. They may or may not see it the same way as you, but it will give you peace knowing you said your peace.
Their happiness is a piece of you now, and you can never be truly at peace unless your babies are at peace in their souls… This is and will always be a moving target, so you can’t white knuckle seasons of peace too much, they will ebb and flow.
Image: An excerpt from a scene from Because I Said So, starring Diane Keaton
