Does It Have to Be Me? The Power of Outsourcing
The Cost of Doing It All
If “doing it all” was a quarterly business review, my results would look like: breaking down in the Whole Foods parking lot once per quarter.
“Sure, you can do it all. But should you?”
Those questions, which my husband asked me during my latest mental health crisis were really good ones… and they actually led me to, what I think, are even better ones…
“What do you really want?” and “Okay, great. Now, what do you want even more?
For me, I love to work, whether it’s my career or just jobs that keep me busy around the house on weekends – applying myself to challenges is one of the most enjoyable things for me.
I imagine if you’re reading this, maybe you feel this way to some extent too. Now listen, that’s not to say time isn’t well spent RESTING, it’s simply to say that my default mode is ON.
I joke with friends that I’m a workhorse, you can work me well past my limits and I’ll probably enjoy it, I’ll forget I’m hungry, I will forget to check my phone, I will lose myself in the work.
With that said, I have never felt more stretched than now: working full time and traveling, raising a toddler, being a wife, writing, carrying a baby in my third trimester, and moving from one forever home to another in the middle of it all.
I started noticing a pattern: at work I am generally pretty damn good at asking myself “Does this need to get done? And, if yes, does it need to get done by me?” But in my personal life? I rarely put my activities through the same filters. I simply do… because who else will?
That was until this summer, when my physical condition, and the condition of our lives (being between two homes during my third trimester) tested my willingness to choose sanity over more of the same. Instead of letting the work eat me alive, I asked: “Does this need to get done? And, if yes, does it need to be me?” And in pretty much every instance, I realized the answer was no.
A Smattering of My Outsourcing Wake-Up Calls
Out of milk with Ronnie out of town and Charlie asleep? Uber Eats saved me.
Nesting, but too pregnant to move furniture and paint walls? Movers and painters handled it.
Laundry machine broke the day before I had to go out of town on a work trip? I dropped everything at the dry cleaner for wash-and-fold service, even my undies.
These moments weren’t failures. They were liberations. Outsourcing gave me back time, energy, and peace of mind… even now in moments where I’m NOT in a pinch, I’m wondering more and more, “if this needs to get done, does it need to be me?”
As with most lessons I am learning and applying myself, this lesson got me thinking — how many other women out there like me were struggling with the same thing? And, was there something I could offer in the way of a framework or series of questions/filters to inspire all of us to share the HEAVY load with others, when and where it made sense?
The Outsourcing Sniff Test: Should You Do It?
Here’s the decision-making framework I came up with, and have now started (imperfectly) to use to figure out if a task belongs to me—or someone else:
Energy Check. Does this give me energy or drain me?
Money Check. If money weren’t a factor, how would I handle this?
ROI Check. Considering the value of my time, is there a cheaper (financially or energetically) way to get this done?
Impact Check. Will my personal touch materially change the outcome? (Example: only I can write a birthday letter to my daughter. But anyone can frost cupcakes)
Learning Check. Is this a skill I want to develop—or something I’ll never care to master?
Urgency Check. Will this weigh on me until it’s done? If yes, sometimes outsourcing is faster and kinder to my mental health?
The things that pass the sniff test, they go on my to do list. The things that don’t, well, they go buh-bye… off to someone else!
Figuring Out What To Outsource
As I am flexing this new muscle of outsourcing and delegating in my personal life, I am realizing that it isn’t just about hiring help at this stage, for me. It’s about catching myself in the flinch of I’ll just do it myself. Here are the five steps I’m trying to be more intentional about as I build this muscle, that I’d recommend you try out too:
Realize you don’t have to do it all.
Calculate what you lose by doing it yourself (time, energy, quality).
Decide on criteria when is your time not worth it? (Set a personal outsourcing threshold)
Determine what DONE RIGHT looks like and how you’d communicate that to someone else so you get the result you want, or even, one that’s even better.
Search + Ask for the right support (friends, apps, services, referrals).
Act Decisively on the quote, book the service, and then move on.
Outsourcing isn’t about being lazy, it’s about being intentional. You don’t get extra credit for burning yourself out; you get extra life by knowing when to hand something off.
When I stopped asking, “Can I do it?” and started asking, “Do I need to do it?” I discovered a kind of freedom I didn’t know I was missing. Every task I let go of gave me back something more valuable: time with my family, energy to do the things only I can do, and the mental space to actually enjoy this season of life.
So, no, you don’t have to do it all. You just have to do the things that matter most. And the rest? Outsource it, guilt-free.
Recipe for Success: Outsourcing Well
Ingredients: Self-awareness, ROI check, courage to ask for help.
Directions: Ask not just “Can I?” but “Should I?” Outsource what drains you.
Results: More time, more energy, and freedom to focus on what matters most.
