2025: Year of the Leading Lady
I grew up without cable television. On the street I grew up on, this was not the norm. So instead of watching TV, every Friday night, my dad took me and my brothers to the movie store. We were allowed one movie each, and another movie for the whole family. To this day, one of my absolute favorite memories from childhood is wandering the aisles of our local video store, feeling like the world was my oyster. What movie would I get tonight???
Fast forward to 2006, I am fifteen years old, with a lifetime worth of films-watched under my belt. The Holiday by Nancy Meyers comes out. I remember thinking there was never a more perfect film ever made. To this day, I maintain that position. I’ve probably watched it over two hundred times, and it never gets old.
While I adore all the characters in the film, I’m especially enamored with the relationship between Arthur, a widower and retired film writer living Los Angeles, and Iris, a vacationing Brit who escaped the English countryside to heal from a breakup over the holidays. They meet one day as Arthur is lost and wandering the neighborhood on his walker, in search of his home. Iris, who is staying nearby, notices him while driving, pulls over, and offers him a ride home. Conversation commences and a monumental friendship begins. Arthur and Iris decide they’d like to get to know one another, and make plans to go to dinner. During this get-to-know-you-dinner, Arthur wonders why Iris is vacationing alone, in LA over the holidays. She proceeds to tell him about her heartache, and he responds with the following:
Arthur : "So, he's a schmuck."
Iris: "As a matter of fact, he is... a huge schmuck. How did you know?"
Arthur: "He let you go. This is not a hard one to figure out. Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."
Iris: "You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life for godsake. Arthur, I've been going to a therapist for three years, and she's never explained anything to me that well. That was brilliant. Brutal. But brilliant. Thank you."
Since the writing alone can’t do the power of this scene justice, here’s a clip of the scene I am talking about.
You Are A Leading Lady, but You Are Behaving Like The Best Friend
Arthur: “In the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend”
Iris: "You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life for godsake!”
If you’re reading this post, my guess is something about my writing, or the topics I cover resonate with you. My guess is you’re ambitious, hard-working, kind, funny, smart, curious, resourceful, and either objectively successful already, or on your way there…
BUT you are also, so aware of what an imperfect, work-in-progress you are too, and all the ways you want to need to evolve, grow, learn and unlearn in order to reach your potential.
AND as a result of your extraordinarily high level of self-awareness and commitment to achieving your fullest potential, you struggle to let yourself be seen, you struggle to accept compliments, you struggle to believe the gifts you’ve been given are yours to open and share with the world.
SO instead of graciously accepting a compliment, you brush things off with a self-deprecating joke, instead of allowing yourself to receive recognition as being a key ingredient to a spectacular outcome, you deflect the recognition and shine the light on everyone else instead.
You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend. And you’re supposed to be the leading lady of your own life for godsake!
Brutal. But brilliant. I know.
If anything that I just said made you feel like “Holy shit, I’ve never felt so seen in my life!” then you and I are kin, and this post is for you.
Why Are You Afraid to be a Leading Lady?
As 2024 came to an end, and I watched The Holiday for the millionth time, I couldn’t shake this scene the feeling of being so seen in Arthur’s words and Iris’s response. This feeling that I, like you, am a leading lady, but have been acting like the best friend.
I sat down to start mapping out my goals for 2025, and as part of that process, I identify where I have gaps in (1) my identity, (2) my knowledge, and (3) my network, standing between me and fully realizing the goals.
One of my goals is to begin work on book #2. I am very, very, excited about this project. I’d like to make book #2 a best-seller, and I see the path so clearly for it. When I think about this goal, I light up from the inside out. On Sundays, my writing days, when I sit down to write the book, I light up from the inside out. When I dream about this book and I think about the women whose lives will be impacted by it, I light up from the inside out. I am SO excited about this book.
In putting this goal on paper, and solving for the gaps between me and the goal, I came face-to-face with my biggest obstacle, when one day (through my headphones at the gym), Jon Acuff, 10x NYT Best Selling Author said to me “books are sold on stages.”
My heart stopped (which in retrospect, may have had something to do with me being on the StairMaster) and my mind swirled: “Books are sold on stages. Well shit. If books are sold on stages, then I have to be on stages to make book #2 a best-seller. And if I have to be on stages, I have to be seen. And if I am seen, I could be misunderstood. And if I’m misunderstood, I could get hurt… I don’t want to get hurt! Not again.”
I dug deeper. Why am I afraid to be seen for fear of getting hurt? Well, it’s because I’ve been down this road before. When I started ManifestHer, I allowed myself to be seen in a big way, and when ManifestHer failed, I felt like a failure, and that hurt… A lot. I allowed myself to be seen, and I got hurt… a.k.a. being seen = not safe.
And that’s when Jon hit me with another good one: “Be as brave as we ask our kids to be.”
I thought about Charlie and what I ask of her every single day when I drop her off at school: “Go, spend the whole day with big human strangers, trust them to feed you, change you, teach you, and protect you. Also, engage with little human strangers, trust them to accept you, learn with you, play with you, and not hit or bite you. It will be just fine, trust me.”
How is it I could have bigger expectations of Charlie than I have for myself?
“Be as brave as you ask Charlie to be.” I wrote down.
Be As Brave As You Ask The Leading Lady To Be
There’s always a climactic scene in great films and great stories, where the leading lady is forced to make a decision, it’s the point of no return — she has to stand in her power and ______________. Quit the job. Apologize to the friend. Kiss the guy. Conquer her fear. Be. Seen.
And we ask her to be brave in that moment. Back in the day, when movie theaters used to sell out on Friday nights sometimes in a really great film, we, the audience in theater would be scream out at the leading lady in the film “Do it!!!!!!!”
Now imagine you are that leading lady. The audience is your inner dialogue. And it’s asking you to be as brave as you ask the leading lady from your favorite film to be. “Do it!!!!!!!!” They’re yelling.
What is your it? What is your _____________. You know what it is, don’t you? You’re thinking about it right now, aren’t you. Yeah, me too.
I’ll show you mine if you show me yours….
Mine is: Be Seen.
Mine is: Be the leading lady of your own life, for godsake!
2025: Year of The Leading Lady
So that’s exactly what I am going to do in 2025. I am going to allow myself to be seen. I am going to start behaving like the leading lady I am. I am going to be as brave as I ask Charlie to be. And I am going to do it because I have a big vision, for a really great book #2, that I know has the power to serve so many women, if I let it.
Out: Best Friend Energy
In: Leading Lady Energy
How will you show up as the Leading Lady in 2025?
As you wrap up the madness of the holiday season and lean into the potential of 2025, here’s a few questions you might ask yourself:
What are my goals for 2025?
What are the gaps in my (1) identity, (2) knowledge, and (3) network, standing between me and realizing these goals?
As I come face-to-face with obstacles on the path to my goals, what do I need to do to step into the Leading Lady energy?
Who will I serve when I let myself be the Leading Lady?
Who do I get to become when I let myself fully embody the Leading Lady?
Remember, you deserve to be the Leading Lady in your own life, for godsake!
Xo.
