How to Be a Minimalist-ish Parent (First 3 Months)
This is part one of a two part post.
Some things to know upfront
I’ve been a mom now for exactly eight weeks. Charlie, our daughter, is sleeping from 7PM to 4AM nightly and has been for about 3 weeks. I stopped bleeding about 3 weeks ago.
We’re adjusting pretty well and starting to find a repeatable rhythm, and in this rhythm, repeatable uses for products.
Our philosophy going into parenting was this “Love Charlie like she’s our one and only, but raise her like she’s our third child.” Our pediatrician said he loved this so much that he was going to use it himself.
How did we come up with this philosophy? Well, you see I am the second child, and my little brother is the third child. I work in market research and specifically in the Consumer Goods sector. If you look at the consumer behavior of first time moms versus second and third time moms, there is a night and day difference — I think this is for a few reasons, first-time moms have never done any of this before, so they want the absolute best for their new baby and go to great lengths to provide the best. On the other hand, third-time moms are exhausted from the demands of kiddo numbers one and two, they’ve let go of the anxiety of parenting and have slipped from perfect-mode into practical-mode. “Perfect” has to go out the window because it’s no longer possible and because of this “necessary” and “meets our criteria” moves into its’ place. So, this has been our approach from the get-go: “Be practical parents that love the heck out of our kiddo, but fit her into our life, instead of fit our life around her.”
What this translates to? According to my pediatrician, your job as a new parent in the first eight weeks is this, create a nice environment for your kiddo and make sure that they eat, sleep, poop, and spend some time smiling at you while you talk to them. That’s about it.
Feeding: I’m doing a combination of breast-feeding and bottle feeding with her, she has only had breastmilk up until this point, but not only mine, she has also had donor milk. IMO, fed is best, and you have to do what is right for you and your baby. FWIW I breastfeed primarily during the day (every 2-3 hours) and I give her a bottle for her last feed of the night (at 6:30PM ish after her bath) I noticed a huge difference in her sleeping when I started bottle feeding for her last feed of the night.
Note: I also give her a bath every night before bed, I started this after her one month check-up, as sleep experts will tell you, your body temperature needs to drop for deep sleep, so warming her up in the bath, before putting her down drops that body temp putting her into that good-good sleep.
Sleeping: We opted for putting Charlie in her crib from night one. Some parents might grill us for this, but Ronnie and I both need sleep to function, and so this really felt right for us. I am SO happy we did, because by six weeks, we had a baby that was independently sleeping through the night! Woo! So… for us…. no bassinet, no Snoo, just a crib, a sleep sack, and a noisemaker!
Heading into parenting, I didn’t know what to expect or what we’d need, so I asked for it all on my baby registry. Overall, I think this was a good idea… you have no idea what kind of baby you will have until they arrive, and they all have different needs and preferences.
That said, now that I’m eight weeks in, I thought I would share an update with respect to what we’re actually using. I’m sharing this article not as a “one size fits all” approach to parenting, but simply because I wish I’d seen a list like this when I was expecting and putting together my “must haves” on my registry. My mom has always encouraged me not to be wasteful, so in an effort to help others not be wasteful (there is too much waste in the baby industry!), here goes. This is my take on minimalist-ish parenting.
Things I did before Charlie’s arrival that’s been insanely helpful
I am very type A, some people find it slightly annoying, but I try to anticipate what “Future Stef” is going to need anytime I am going through a big life event, and have “Present Stef” support her as best as possible. These are three things I’d recommend that “Present you” does for “Future you” to support your transition from hospital to home.
I read two books that I loved when I was pregnant, and which really helped me prepare for being a new mom: Bringing up Bebe, the art of French parenting and Expecting Better, a book where an economist dispels a lot of parenting hooplah.
After the baby shower, I washed all of her clothes and put them into small clear storage bins labeled with the age she’ll be when she fits them “socks” “hats” “newborn” “zero to three months” “three to six months” this allows us to stay organized, anyone to come into my home and grab what they need to dress her.
Also after the baby shower, I organized all the things we got into large storage bins and labeled them with key information about what was in the bins, so we could grab things as necessary while we were adjusting to being new parents “diapering” “on the go” “bottling” etc. Again, this allows anyone to come into my home and for me to ask them to grab something, they know exactly where to find it!
The last thing I did, but didn’t even think to do it until I was home from the hospital (trying to take care of Charlie and take care of me), was start a large clear bin for myself. I had no idea how challenging postpartum care for MYSELF was going to be. I tore pretty bad during delivery and so making sure that I was taking care of me was so critical to my physical healing and mental health during the early weeks. I got myself a big plastic storage bin and put everything in it that I needed for me. The section titled “Mommy’s post partum care bin” has everything that got me through my own postpartum care.
The List (broken down by category)
The Nursery (I’m linking what’s in Charlie’s nursery, because some of you have asked, your child doesn’t care if their nursery is fancy or not, so none of these are actual product recommendations, unless you want them to be.)
Dresser — Needed! Baby’s have a lot of things, the dresser keeps outfits, bedding, burp cloths, etc. nice and organized for easy access.
Crib — Needed! If you get a convertible one, your baby can sleep in it until they’re older!), ours came with the mattress, so we just needed crib sheets.
Glider + Storage Ottoman — Needed! Baby loves to rock, nurse, and hang out with mama in her glider.
Hamper — Holy shit is there going to be more laundry than you can even imagine. A hamper (or at least somewhere to put the dirties) is necessary.
Wall Hanger for clothes — Charlie came Sep 28, so I use the hanger to put her outdoor clothes and hats for easy access.
Bookshelf — We asked our baby shower guests to bring a book instead of a card and this has been one of the coolest things, to read the little notes left for Charlie by our friends and family every time I grab a book off her bookshelf, highly recommend!
Humidifier — For the dry months, this is a must-have for helping baby stay healthy.
Noise machine — I love the look of the Hatch, but I hate that they charges $4.99/month for the app, wtf?
Infant Optics baby monitor — For the mother that wants to be untethered during nap time, this is a must have! There’s lots of options on the market, so find the monitor that suits your needs and price point.
Diapering (in the nursery, on top of the dresser)
Diaper changer pad — I love the way this one looks, it’s functional, and it’s so easy to wipe down.
Diapers — We’re using Huggies little snugglers, but just go with what’s right for your baby
Wipes — We’re using sensitive, unscented, because I think babies skin is pretty new, so seemed like a good choice)
Aquaphor — Pro tip: we’ve never had a diaper rash, I equate this to putting aquaphor on her butt every time we change her, our friends Krystal and Steve gave us this tip, and we’ve proceeded to tell EVERYONE.
Butt spreader — I thought this was a joke when I first saw it, but it might be my favorite tool of parenting… brilliant!)
Diaper pail — We just put regular, ‘ol trash bags in this and it works like a gem.
Bringing baby with you
Stroller — Honestly, there are a million of these for sale on FB marketplace, and I don’t think you can go wrong getting a used one. You can even tell you baby shower guests to pick it up used if they get it for you. Just make sure you get the whole system — car seat, car seat base, bassinet, stroller, and kid seat. You’ll need them all!
Jogging Stroller — I kind of thought this was “extra” and we didn’t think we’d need one… but I am an avid outdoor walker, I go for miles and miles, my favorite loop is 9 miles. So I didn’t have one at first, but walks were tough, so we ended up getting one. For me, this has been a total game-changer because the wheels are WAY bigger and so it can take the terrain so much better. This is a very large stroller though, sometimes I' feel like I’m wrestling it into my trunk… and I’m almost 5’10.
Pro tip! Sticking with the UppaBaby system allows me to easily go between car seat and bassinet so Charlie can be nice and relaxed on our walks. Additionally, since she likes sleeping so much in her bassinet on our walks, I bring that thing with us when we are staying late at our friends’ or family’s houses and put her down for the night in it, as if it’s a regular-ol bassinet!
Reminder: Your baby has no idea if you got the ‘hottest stroller’ on the market. While we went for the UppaBaby system, there’s so many other, more affordable options on the market. Not to mention, the UppaBaby systems are ALL for sale on FB Marketplace. That said, before you buy a used car seat, know that the pros recommend buying these new, here’s why.
Car Seat — They literally won’t let you leave the hospital without it.
Car Seat Base — We got two of these, so they can stay in my car and Ronnie’s car, it makes life a little more seamless, especially when you are loading a crying baby into the car
Baby wearer-carrier 1 — I like how secure this one feels, and how I feel so supported when I wear it. Charlie likes it when we are trekking through the yard, we have some big big hills, and I know that as she gains weight my back is supported wearing her, when I am wearing this. As someone who messed up their back pretty bad when playing college sports, this is super important to me, but may not be as important to others. It’s a little pricey, so if back support isn’t your thing, see baby wearer-carrier 2, below.
Baby wearer-carrier 2 — This is great for wearing around the house, I love that I can wear Charlie in a forward-facing position so she and I can cook together or do other household chores, I didn’t start wearing her forward until about 8 weeks when her neck was a lot stronger.
Diaper bag — I’m obsessed with how ‘my style’ this one is. Here’s what we have in our bag at all times:
Diapers
Wipes
2-3 change of outfits (onesies)
The Shusher — again, I thought this was a joke, but holy shit, what a great product! It literally is a sushing device. I put it in her car seat with her, and it shushes her to sleep when she’s being fussy and we’re on the go. Brilliant!
Binkie — Pro tip: I like that with the Wubanubs I can stick them in her carseat and tuck them into the straps, this way if she loses it by spitting it out, she can find it again with her mouth. Some babies prefer different style binkies, TBH Charlie doesn’t love binkies, but she’ll take these from time to time and the car-seat-strap-tuck-move helps.
Around the house
Baby Bjorn Bouncer — This thing comes everywhere with me around the house and to my friends houses. It is like an extra set of hands. I love the portability from room-to-room. We have a baby swing, and the mama-roo, they’re great, but if I had to pick JUST ONE THING, this bouncer is the real one.
Snuggle Me Lounger (alt. to Dock a Tot) — This is nice when baby is sleeping to be able to bring it around the house. We used it a lot when she was zero to six weeks, but less recently. For the minimalist-ish parent, idk if it needs to stay on this list though.
Lovevery Box for Infants — If you have one play gym for the first 12 weeks, get this one. I’ll report back when she develops further, as the promise of this one is that the baby and the activities can grow together!
Bathtime / Self Care
Lotion — Charlie loves her nightly post-bath massage! I’ve read this is natural way to stimulate melatonin so your baby gets nice and sleepy before bed.
Muslin wash cloths — love mine, but not necessary, I think you can just use a regular one from your linen closet.
Muslin towels — love mine, but not necessary, I think you can just use a regular one from your linen closet.
Nail file — Damn do baby nails get sharp! My friend Krystal showed me this one and it’s been a game-changer for keeping her nails under control.
Vitamin D Drops — My pediatrician tells me that breastfed babies living in our area (Illinois) don’t get enough sunlight or vitamin D via breastmilk for their own good, so every day, Charlie gets a few drops of these as a supplement.
Thermometer — My pediatrician tells me that baby fever is something you don’t mess around with and that for the first 8 weeks, this is of the utmost concern. So we take Charlie’s temperature every night before bed just to make sure little mama is good to go.
Mylicon — If your baby is fed, changed, well-slept, and still fussy, perhaps its gas. If they are struggling to pass it naturally, a few drops of Mylicon can be really helpful.
Pumping and bottling
Elvie Pump — I wish I had used my insurance to pay for this one. I’m a natural-born busy body and this lets me pump while I am tidying the house, cooking, on the go (literally in the car), and when I am just chilling. I also have the Spectra which I pretty much haven’t used since I was bed-bound in the hospital.
Comotomo bottles — Charlie loves these! I just pump and dump my milk into these, then label them with painters tape so I know what milk was pumped when for feeding. I only keep a few bottles in the fridge at a time, everything else goes into freezer bags.
Breast milk freezer bags — No rhyme or reason to why I use this brand, someone gave them to me and I took them.
Dr Browns bottle warmer — This wasn’t on my registry, but it should have been. Every night, before I take Charlie for bath time, I drop her bottle in here and hit start. By the time she is bathed, and diapered, and dressed, bottle is warm. I grab it from the warmer, feed her, and she is out like a light.
Dressing
Onesies — Pro tip: Get onesies that have the double zipper. I didn’t realize how big of a deal this was, with the double zipper, you can keep them locked in up top, while you change the diaper down below… so smart! I think we go through 2-5 onesies per day, depending on drool and spit up, so that’s about 10-35 onesies you’ll want to have (if you are like me and pretty much keep baby in onesies 24/7 out of convenience).
These ones are pretty cheap and awesome because they don’t have feet, so your baby can grow and grow and you don’t have to worry about the legs being too tight.
The Sweet Bamboo brand has ones that soft and stretchy, Charlie wears this one on Football Sundays and this one when she wants to match Mama’s all black outfits.
Socks — If you’re wearing those onesies from Amazon that I linked above, baby is going to need socks! I like the ones with the grippies on the feet, so that when Charlie is doing her “Uppies” (standing up while I hold her), her feet don’t slip on whatever surface we have her on.
Gloves — I had gloves on this list, then realized I am writing about minimalist-ish parenting. Yea, you could get baby gloves, but I find myself just putting a pair of socks on her hands at night and when we go out in the cold, she doesn’t mind and it helps me because I can never find the dang gloves anyway.
Hats — If you are having a baby in the cold weather months, you’ll need hats for going outside for sure. I found that those cute indoor hats they sell with baby outfits pretty much always fell off her head, so I just made sure to wrap her up in blankies and not worry too much about the whole indoor hat situation.
Sleep sacks — Charlie likes to have her arms all free-lance when she sleeps, so swaddling never worked for us, these sleep sacks on the other hand? She wears one EVERY night. Since she’s still flailing a bit when she sleeps, we stuff her hands into socks so she won’t scratch herself.
Blankets — These blankets are cute and soft and cozy. Charlie loves em.
Mommy’s postpartum care bin
Extra Strength Tylenol — For the hoo ha pain
Advil — For the hoo ha swelling
Colace — Keeps the poop soft :)
Prenatals — Keeps you healthy for breastfeeding
Target bras — The best $7 you will spend x10. I have so many of these! They’re my fav wear-around-the-house-bras even when I am not nursing or pumping. I wear a size Large. What I love most is my Elvie pump sits right in the bra and it gives the exact right amount of support while I am pumping. I can also “whip my boob out” nice and easy when I am feeding Charlie. I don’t think you need to spend an arm and a leg on nursing bras when these exist!
Mama earth nipple salve — Helps the sore, cracked nips and has a nice taste (I tried it, lol)
Always mama diapers — I found that these + Tucks were best when I was in the hospital and for sleep, but I quickly switched to the Frida Mom Postpartum underwear with either an ice pack that I’d lined with foam OR a regular pad that I’d lined with foam.
Frida postpartum underwear — I wore these every single day and probably went through a pack a week for six weeks.
Frida postpartum ice packs — I used these every single day and probably went through a pack and a half a week for six weeks. The cooling was great especially when sitting to breastfeed.
Catch all pads — I used these every single day when I wasn’t in ice pads, and probably went through a pack and a half a week for six weeks.
Panty liners — I switched to these + ice pads during weeks 5 and 6 as my bleeding was slowing substantially.
Frida postpartum foam — I felt that this kept things moist, and so I never “stuck” to my pads when I was sitting and everything down there was healing.
Frida Cleaner — Put warm water in this :)
Hoo ha salve — When I started healing, I got itchy down there. This made the itching stop and felt like it kept things nice and balmy all day. I used this with the healing foam and the Hemorrhoid spray. Maybe it was overkill, but I felt like they all did a different job.
Hemorrhoid spray — I had really bad hemorrhoids, this spray was game-changing, it instantly cools and soothes.
Hatch belly oil — I didn’t want stretch marks, and I didn’t get any. I used this stuff 2x/day during pregnancy and postpartum and I think it kept my skin nice and elastic. That said, I hear stretch marks are mainly genetic, so who knows if it helped at all?
Face lotion — This Kiehls Ultra Moisturizer was my bestie, it’s a great product for trapping moisture and keeping the face fresh night or day, especially if you don’t have time for the full face routine.
Deodorant — No one told me about the night sweats. What the actual f***. Put deodorant in the morning before your first breastfeeding sesh, your baby will thank you.
Toothbrush — I love Burst Oral Care and take every chance I can to pimp them out, Brittany Stewart, CEO of Burst came on my old pod to talk about the brand, check that out on PM School Pod here.
Toothpaste — Also Burst brand.
Chapstick — Just regular old chappity Chapstick, but you get so freaking thirsty and dehydrated breast feeding, it’s for real a need-to-have in this bin, so you don’t have to go searching for it every time your lips are chapped.
Hair Ties — I’ve got long hair and Charlie loves to grasp it when it’s near her hands, I tie it back now to avoid the pain and negotiation that ensues if she gets her hands around it.
Summary
Okaaaay, that was quite the list, but hopefully, it was a fraction of the lists that you’ve been reading online. Again, at the end of the day, you’ll find the products and routines that are right for you and your family! I only hope this minimalist-ish perspective helps give you another perspective!
