Making Real Life > Reel Life
The Trap of Endless Dopamine
We live in a time when our brains are wired to crave quick hits of dopamine—endless videos, infinite scrolls, and algorithm “next ups.” A friend recently sent me a video that reframed the problem for me:
The best way to fight dopamine addiction isn’t to resist it, but to make real life better than the screen, when you’re battling your kids for screen time, you’ve already lost the war.
Because no matter how engaging the endless highlight reel is, the sound of the fishing reel and catching the fish yourself will always be more visceral, more memorable, than watching someone else reel one in.
Childhood Memories: Screens vs. Streets
Growing up, I was obsessed with The Sims. I could sit at the computer for hours, building dream houses and playing pretend lives. But when I think back on my childhood, it’s never the memories in front of the screen that bring me the most joy. It’s the ones outside or in someone’s basement: biking around the neighborhood, making up games, laughing with friends until the streetlights came on, and sometimes (when the adults let us) staying out well past dark for an epic game of ghost in the graveyard, something that we even convince our adult friends to do with us to this day.
The screen was addictive. But the real-life moments? They were unforgettable.
A New Neighborhood, A New Way of Living
Recently, we moved into a neighborhood where kids actually knock on doors again. Every afternoon, little girls show up asking if Charlie can come out and play. They ride around in golf carts, invent adventures in the yard, and somehow manage to make each day feel like summer break.
It’s inspiring to see. It reminds me that kids don’t need perfectly curated experiences or screens full of content, they just need access, opportunity, and permission to be in the world, together. It got me thinking… how can I be more intentional about making the real thing, better than the reel thing?
How Do We Make the Real Thing > The Reel Thing?
Prioritize Experience Over Consumption. Plan activities that engage the senses: cooking a meal together, catching fireflies, going on a hike. Screens are passive, but real life is immersive. Charlie and I recently made homemade play dough with a friend before then turning it into all sorts of shapes… we pretended to make gnocchi, and fettuccine, and pizza. It was so much fun!
Create Invitation-Friendly Spaces. Just like the neighborhood kids knocking on our door, build rhythms and routines that invite connection—family dinners, backyard games, open-door playdates. We recently picked up some folding chairs and a folding table from Dick’s Sporting Goods to make our river front a little more accessible for anyone of any age, we’ve had so much fun bringing snacks down to the river front, setting a rod, and waiting for the inevitable (and ever elusive) bite.
Model Joy in the Real. If our kids see us finding fulfillment in small, tangible experiences—walking, cooking, playing games, laughing—they’ll learn to do the same. I bought a step ladder and kids knife set to give Charlie the opportunity to help me in the kitchen. She chops veggies right alongside me, we smell them and relish in the delicious scents of fresh produce going into the meals that we make to nourish our bodies.
Let Boredom Lead. Boredom is the gateway to creativity. If we fill every quiet moment with a scroll, we rob ourselves (and our kids) of the chance to invent joy. I’m not going to lie, this is the hardest for me, but we have historically kept a “detox box” in our kitchen, a place to intentionally drop our phones, relieve ourselves of the addiction to the screen, and get present… and I think now is about the time to bring that back.
The Good Fight
The fight against dopamine addiction doesn’t always have to be about saying no to screens, but it can be about saying a bigger, fuller yes to life away from the screen, because no Reel will ever compete with the feeling of reeling in your first big fish, or the laughter that will echo through the neighborhood at dusk when you recount the time you thought you were reeling one in, and it turned out to be a rogue minnow trap instead.
Recipe for Success: Make Life Better Than the Scroll
Ingredients: Presence in the moment, space for boredom and play, courage to say yes to real-life invitations.
Directions: Choose the backyard over the screen. Let boredom lead to creativity. When the knock comes at the door, answer it.
Results: Deeper connections, lasting memories, and a life more satisfying than the feed.
