The Secret to Living Is Giving
But Not the Way You Think
I used to be the woman who gave everything, my time, my energy, my money, to everyone except myself.
Baby showers. Bachelorettes. Birthday dinners. Celebratory drinks. Group gifts. Weekend trips. Last-minute splurges because “life is short.” You name it, I was in.
I thought this was what generous, loving, good women did. I thought being available and saying yes meant I was living fully. I thought the secret to living was giving. But slowly, quietly, without even noticing, my life began to fill with depletion.
An overcommitted calendar that left me anxious and exhausted. Credit card charges that piled into balances I couldn’t pay off. A growing weight of overwhelm that made me feel like I was drowning in a life I had built myself.
It’s a jarring thing to wake up one day and realize you don’t recognize the person who created your circumstances, only to realize that person was you.
At one point, I had maxed out every one of my credit cards and I remember sitting there, heart racing, chest tight, breath shallow, in the middle of a panic attack, thinking: How did I get here?
I had been giving constantly, to people, to events, to experiences, to expectations. And yet I felt empty, scared, and financially suffocated.
I remember thinking, almost angrily: I thought the secret to living was giving — so why does my life feel like it’s collapsing?
And it was in the wake of that reckoning that I finally understood something life-changing:
I hadn’t been giving from abundance.
I had been giving from self-abandonment.
And that’s when it all changed for me.
The Reframe That Changed Everything
The secret to living is giving, but not in the way we’re taught.
I used to think giving meant donating time or money to worthy causes, saying yes to every celebration, showing up endlessly for others, proving my generosity through sacrifice. But I’ve come to reinterpret the mantra entirely:
Energy is the real currency we give.
And energy is not finite. It is regenerative. When you give your energy to something aligned, something meaningful, something that lights you up, your energy multiplies. It comes back to you tenfold in purpose, joy, connection, fulfillment.
But when you give from obligation, guilt, pressure, performance, or fear of disappointing others? It drains you. It depletes you. It erodes your peace, your self-trust, and your resources.
The difference isn’t in the act of giving… It’s in the energetic return.
For example: when I mentor a young person and they achieve something meaningful because of that support, I don’t feel tired afterward, I feel expanded. Fulfilled. Alive. Energized. Proud. The energy I receive back is exponentially greater than the energy I put in.
That is regenerative giving. That is devotion-based giving. And that is the kind of giving that leads to a rich, beautiful, delicious life, not burnout and debt disguised as generosity.
Giving Isn’t Noble If It’s Depleting You
Somewhere along the way, many women were taught that being selfless meant being good.
Say yes. Show up. Spend the money. Be generous. Be there. Don’t make it about you.
But unchecked giving without alignment leads to martyrdom, not meaning.
I wasn’t living generously. I was leaking energy and money in directions that didn’t nourish me.
I wasn’t giving from overflow. I was giving at my own expense.
True giving should feel expansive, not suffocating. It should energize you, not exhaust you. It should align with who you are and who you are becoming.
True giving isn’t about depletion… It’s about devotion.
How to Give Deliciously
If the secret to living is giving, then the real question becomes: Where does your giving multiply you instead of drain and deplete you?
How can you give deliciously?
Here are some questions to help you uncover opportunities to give in ways that expand you:
What do you currently give your time or energy to that leaves you feeling resentful, drained, or empty afterward?
When have you given your energy and walked away feeling lighter, fuller, or more alive than before?
Who do you love helping in a way that feels natural and effortless to you?
What do people consistently thank you for that feels easy — even joyful — for you to give?
Where do you feel an inner pull to contribute, guide, or show up even when no one asks you to?
What kind of impact makes you emotional in the best way — proud, fulfilled, deeply moved?
How does your mood, confidence, or sense of purpose shift after this kind of giving?
Does this type of giving deepen your relationships or expand your sense of connection and meaning?
Where in your life are you confusing self-sacrifice with generosity — and what would change if you chose alignment instead?
What if the measure of generous living wasn’t how exhausted you are… but how alive you feel?
The Truth I Had to Learn the Hard Way
I had to hit financial and emotional depletion to realize something essential:
Not everything deserves your energy. Not every invitation is aligned. Not every act of giving is noble.
Your life expands in the direction of what you give your energy to. When you protect your energy and invest it where it multiplies, in purpose, love, growth, connection, service that lights you up, you ascend.
When you give from guilt, pressure, or performance until you’re empty, you descend into burnout and resentment.
The secret to living isn’t giving everything away. It’s giving wisely. Devotionally. In alignment with your highest self. Because the right giving doesn’t drain you. It feeds you.
And that is how you build a life that feels not just full — but delicious.
