Put Yourself in The Room
The best advice I gave a college student, and the one I wish I’d learned earlier.
I was standing in line at a conference when I met a bright, curious college student—ambitious, eyes wide, and full of questions. She quickly learned I’d written a personal development book for young women, and as an aspiring writer herself, she naturally asked:
“What’s the one piece of advice you think I need to hear at this stage in my life?”
Before I could answer, the woman standing next to me jumped in:
“Put yourself in the room.”
And I couldn’t have agreed more.
It’s one of the most life-defining lessons I only wish I’d learned sooner.
In a world that’s increasingly digital, the power of real-life connection has never felt more potent. When you put yourself in the room, your energy, enthusiasm, and curiosity become palpable. That kind of presence can be more impactful than anything you type, say or do behind a screen.
Putting myself in the room has led to lifelong friendships, career-defining opportunities, the chance to make my first angel investment, and so much more.
But as I chatted with this young woman, who was already walking the walk just by showing up, I started thinking about how many women hesitate to take that step. How many:
Aren’t putting themselves in the right rooms
Don’t know what to do once they get there
And drop the ball on carrying the connection forward
Let’s talk about all three.
What rooms should I be in?
When I was younger, I wanted to be in every room. I was chasing access. But as I’ve grown, and especially as my time has become more precious (hello, motherhood!), my focus has shifted. I no longer want more rooms. I want the right rooms.
And the “right” rooms are where people are aligned with your goals, values, and energy. They’re full of people you admire and people on similar paths. They’re the rooms filled with endless possibility.
Because here’s the truth… in those rooms, even when you don’t meet the person you hoped for, someone else in the room might open the exact door you need.
The peers you meet in these rooms are oftentimes the best people you’ll meet. They are the ones you’ll grow alongside, they are the ones who are proving themselves on the same battle ground as you, they are the ones who will refer you, recommend you, collaborate with you, connect you with their community, and most importantly rise with you. Never underestimate the power of proximity to people growing in the same direction.
What do I do when I get in the room?
Here’s the mindset shift that changed everything for me: The most interesting person in the room is the most interested person in the room.
When I was younger, I felt pressure to rattle off my resume at the drop of a hat. I wanted to sound impressive—to prove I was worth talking to. But those conversations often fell flat — a dead end of me and my conversation partners peacocking to see who was the most interesting. I left feeling drained, disconnected, and honestly, disappointed.
Eventually, I let that go. I stopped trying to be the most interesting and started being the most interested. Genuinely interested.
I walked into rooms with curiosity, not an agenda. I listened more than I spoke. I asked open-ended questions that invited real stories and conversation, not rehearsed talking points.
Suddenly, I was connecting in a more authentic way. I left rooms feeling energized, giddy, and excited to follow up, not just because I enjoyed the conversation, but because they did too.
People love to talk about themselves, their journeys, their lessons learned. When they’re met with real curiosity, they feel seen. And that’s the beginning of a great connection.
How do I carry on the connection beyond the room?
Now here’s the salesperson in me speaking, because this is where so many people fumble:
We meet someone great. We have a meaningful conversation. We exchange info. And then… crickets.
In sales, follow-up is everything. And guess what? It’s everything in making new, meaningful connections, too.
People are busy. They have jobs, families, dreams, and deadlines. As meaningful as your conversation felt in the moment, you’re probably not top of mind tomorrow. That’s not personal. That’s life. And that’s why follow-up matters. A lot.
Here’s my rule of thumb: Follow up thoughtfully and quickly—within 24 hours if possible. Send a DM, drop an email, connect on LinkedIn or socials. And when you do, do two things:
Reference something specific and personal from your conversation, this tells them you weren’t just collecting contacts, you were really listening.
Offer a “gift” this can be a recommendation, a helpful link, a kind word, or simply a genuine thank you.
Connection is currency. And generosity is what keeps it flowing. Be thoughtful. Be generous. And if / when you need to be—be kindly persistent :)
The Bottom Line
Putting yourself in the room doesn’t mean having all the answers. It means showing up—open, curious, and ready to connect. Wherever you want to grow next... Put yourself in the room. You never know what (or who) might be waiting.
