Stop Waiting, Start Asking: 3 Reasons Clear Requests Lead to Faster Success
My 18-month-old daughter is learning to talk and gaining independence. As she explores, she inevitably encounters obstacles she can’t overcome alone—like opening her giant coloring book, removing the lid from a Tupperware container holding her crayons, or fixing a straw that’s not working in her cup. When frustration builds to tears, she comes to me crying. In those moments, I ask, “What’s up, baby? What do you need?”
She then makes a choice that determines how quickly her frustration is resolved. She either leads me to the problem, points, and says, “Help, please,” or collapses on the floor in a fit, leaving me to guess. Which do you think gets her what she wants faster? That’s right—when she clearly asks for help.
Now, you might be thinking, “Stef, what does this have to do with me?”
Well, how often do you act like my toddler in your own life?
You’re frustrated with your partner for not doing something, but instead of asking, you give them the cold shoulder.
You’re unhappy with your career progress, but when your boss asks how they can help, you offer no clear objectives.
A client is overstepping boundaries, but instead of addressing it, you stay silent.
A friend is being inconsistent, but rather than talking to her, you vent to someone else.
We’ve all been guilty of this. Why? Because we’re afraid—of rejection, misunderstanding, seeming selfish, or hearing “no.”
Asking is the Fastest Path to Getting What You Want
Just like my daughter, frustration is inevitable. But how we respond determines whether we move forward or stay stuck.
People Aren’t Mind Readers
When you ask for what you want, you give others the chance to say “yes,” “no,” or work toward a middle ground. Many frustrations stem from assuming people know our expectations—when we haven’t actually voiced them.
Retrospect: Think back to a time you were deeply frustrated with someone. If you switched roles, would they have known exactly why you were upset and what you expected? Probably not.
Moving forward: Next time you’re in this situation, pause. Instead of stewing in frustration, communicate your needs directly. It’ll save time and emotional energy.
Asking Puts You in Control
When we expect others to guess our needs, we give away control. My daughter’s daily frustrations could stem from 20 different things. If she doesn’t tell me, I have to guess—and that wastes time for both of us. But when she takes my hand, leads me to the issue, and says, “Help, please,” the problem is solved immediately.
Retrospect: Think back to a time you were frustrated but didn’t express what was wrong. If the other person had to guess, how many possible causes could they have come up with? Probably more than just one.
Moving forward: In moments of frustration, recognize that well-meaning people may want to help—but they need clarity. Take their hand (metaphorically), point to the issue, and ask. It really is that simple.
Asking Moves You Closer to What You Want—Even If the Answer Is No
Sometimes we fixate on a specific outcome when what we actually need is different. When my daughter doesn’t immediately identify the problem, we end up searching the house, only to stumble upon a new toy that distracts her, making her forget the frustration entirely.
Retrospect: Think back to a time you asked for help but didn’t get exactly what you wanted. Did the outcome still move you forward in some way?
Moving forward: The next time you don’t get exactly what you asked for, remind yourself—it might be leading you somewhere even better.
Asking is Always Worth It
At the heart of it all, asking for what you want isn’t just about getting your needs met—it’s about taking ownership of your life. When you assume others should just know what you need, you set yourself up for frustration and disappointment. But when you clearly communicate your desires, you empower yourself and those around you to take meaningful action.
Just like my daughter, you have a choice in every moment of frustration: collapse into emotions and hope someone figures it out, or take control, point to the issue, and simply say, “Help, please.” One path keeps you stuck. The other moves you forward—faster, easier, and with far less stress.
So, the next time you find yourself in a situation where you need something—support, clarity, resolution—ask for it. Directly. Clearly. Without assumption or hesitation. You might be surprised how quickly things change for the better.
There’s More Where That Came From
Come back next week for the three most important things to keep in mind when building your Ask in order to increase the likelihood of getting what you want. Here are some other articles in this series:
How I Got Khloe Kardashian to Post me on her Instagram — Without Paying for It
How Me and a Friend Got a VIP, Front Row Experience to See My Favorite Comedian — Without a Ticket
How I Got to See My Favorite Author Speak at a Private Conference for Executives — Without a Pass
The Top Five Things Holding You Back from Asking for What You Want
