Your Environment is Always Stronger than Your Intentions
I once asked a boss of mine how he managed to stay so disciplined. At the time, I was deep in my self-improvement era—reading all the books, setting all the intentions, trying so hard to “just be better” through sheer willpower. So I said to him, “You’re just so good at walking past the donut shop and not going in.”
He didn’t even blink before responding: “I don’t walk past the donut shop. I take a different route.”
And I swear, in that moment it felt like someone plugged wisdom directly into my veins.
Because here’s the truth:
Your environment is always stronger than your intention.
We tend to think discipline is about superhuman self-control, but the people who appear the most disciplined usually aren’t fighting temptation every day. They, like my former boss, are designing their lives so that temptation doesn’t show up in the first place.
If you don’t want donuts in the morning? Don’t walk by the donut shop.
If you don’t want chocolate at night? Don’t keep chocolate in the house.
If you don’t want to gossip? Stop hanging out with people who talk about others more than they talk about their dreams.
Intentions, even the best, most pure, sincere, heartfelt ones, get slippery in the face of temptation. Environment, on the other hand, is both neutral and powerful, because it removes the decision altogether.
And if there’s one thing we need more of today, it’s fewer decisions.
Because unlike my twenties, where temptation mostly lived in real life, temptation today… lives in your pocket.
Endless scrolling. Perfectly curated lives. Comparison traps. Notifications engineered to pull you back into someone else’s agenda, or to remind you of that purchase you wanted, and walked away from, but now is back in your face saying “buy me, buy me!”.
Your pocket is on fire all day every day with people, products, and platforms whispering “just one more look”.
Fighting the good fight is hard, and getting harder by the day, here are a few pieces of guidance for protecting your peace and staying aligned with who you actually want to be:
1. Curate Your Digital Neighborhood
Unfollow people who make you feel behind or triggered, mute the accounts that lure you into the comparison trap, and most importantly turn off notifications so your phone stops tugging at your sleeve like a toddler. As dystopian as it sounds to say, the reality these days is that your feed is part of your environment. And your environment is scripting your inner dialogue and beliefs, whether you realize it or not, it’s in your hands to write the script you want to read. Choose people and content that stretch you, inspire you, and bring you home to yourself.
2. Build Friction Into Temptation
Temptation loves convenience. So, you have to make it inconvenient.
If late-night scrolling is your kryptonite, plug your phone in across the room. If you overspend when you’re bored, remove saved credit cards from your apps. If your peace gets hijacked by certain platforms, delete them from your home screen, or your phone entirely (the equivalent of taking a different route so you don’t pass the donut shop). In today’s day and age, friction is not failure, friction is strategy.
3. Surround Yourself With People Who Make Good Decisions Feel Easy
We underestimate how contagious other people’s habits are, but our lives our the average of the five people we spend the most time with. If you want to grow, be around people who are growing. If you want to feel peaceful, be around people who regulate themselves. If you want a big, beautiful, abundant life, spend time with people who are living into their biggest, most beautiful lives.
These days, your environment isn’t just where you live… It’s who you’re with, what you consume, and the energy you choose to allow in.
The Bottom Line
The weight of our best intentions were already heavy enough before the hard realities of the modern world hijacked our ability to be present and intentional in our actions, so remember this: Your intentions matter, for sure, but your environment (physical, digital, emotional, and relational) have the final say.
Build a life that sets you up to make good decisions without having to fight yourself every day.
Build a life that supports the woman you want to become.
And remember: the most disciplined people aren’t avoiding donut shops… They simply take a different route.
